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http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/127720.php
Sometimes, it's not just you.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Women can literally smell sex
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/134932.php
Women's brains encode males sweat during sex. Literally, women can smell the sex on you.
Women's brains encode males sweat during sex. Literally, women can smell the sex on you.
Ross Jeffries on goal setting
Appropriately enough, after I posted a link about some of the dangers of goal setting, Ross Jeffries put up an excellent video on how to avoid the common pitfalls and stay focused. This video is highly recommended.
Attribution Bias, why your calibration is off
This is one of my favorite social psychology biases:
http://psychology.about.com/od/aindex/g/actor-observer.htm
The Actor-Observer Bias. In a nutshell, what it says is that we tend to judge our own negative actions in terms of circumstances. There's a Stylelife DVD with Neil Strauss where he's coaching a seminar. A girl comes onto stage and he asks the guys to judge her. The responses are things like "Gold digger", "high maintenance", and "Daddy's girl". They're all dead wrong. Neil seems visibly upset when he tells them that none of that is true, it's all in their head.
Now for you psychology nuts, you already know that this is technically "projection", not actor observer bias. But stay with me, there's a point. A common problem that guys have is they go into the set and assume that if something goes wrong, it is the girls fault. "That girl must be a total b***h." Not true. In pick-up, it's most likely because you did something wrong. However, sometimes, you did nothing wrong. The fact is, you have no idea what's going on in her life. To assume you can predict that is to fall victim to the actor-observer bias.
So if you want to get your calibration up to speed, you need to learn how to read the situation properly.
1.) Don't make a common newbie mistake. Newbies often do three sets and if one of those three sets goes badly, they assume there's a mistake. Aim for opening at least ten sets. If seven out of those ten sets are giving you feedback about the same mistake, then you have a real sticking point. Because you can't control whatever is affecting her in her life, you need more to get the real feedback.
2.) Don't "read into her type". You have no idea what her type even is, much less whether or not you are close to it. Instead, go in with no attachment to the outcome and the frame that you are the "Partying Pope" (Mehow) who is going to present a compelling reality to the girl.
3.) Be aware of bad behavior on your part. Remember that if you get pissed off or "reactive", people will read this as being a personality trait about you. Rather than assuming you had a bad day, they will assume you are a jerk.
http://psychology.about.com/od/aindex/g/actor-observer.htm
The Actor-Observer Bias. In a nutshell, what it says is that we tend to judge our own negative actions in terms of circumstances. There's a Stylelife DVD with Neil Strauss where he's coaching a seminar. A girl comes onto stage and he asks the guys to judge her. The responses are things like "Gold digger", "high maintenance", and "Daddy's girl". They're all dead wrong. Neil seems visibly upset when he tells them that none of that is true, it's all in their head.
Now for you psychology nuts, you already know that this is technically "projection", not actor observer bias. But stay with me, there's a point. A common problem that guys have is they go into the set and assume that if something goes wrong, it is the girls fault. "That girl must be a total b***h." Not true. In pick-up, it's most likely because you did something wrong. However, sometimes, you did nothing wrong. The fact is, you have no idea what's going on in her life. To assume you can predict that is to fall victim to the actor-observer bias.
So if you want to get your calibration up to speed, you need to learn how to read the situation properly.
1.) Don't make a common newbie mistake. Newbies often do three sets and if one of those three sets goes badly, they assume there's a mistake. Aim for opening at least ten sets. If seven out of those ten sets are giving you feedback about the same mistake, then you have a real sticking point. Because you can't control whatever is affecting her in her life, you need more to get the real feedback.
2.) Don't "read into her type". You have no idea what her type even is, much less whether or not you are close to it. Instead, go in with no attachment to the outcome and the frame that you are the "Partying Pope" (Mehow) who is going to present a compelling reality to the girl.
3.) Be aware of bad behavior on your part. Remember that if you get pissed off or "reactive", people will read this as being a personality trait about you. Rather than assuming you had a bad day, they will assume you are a jerk.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Inner Game: New Year Resolutions Bad for Health
People use affirmation statements like, "I am a winner" to make themselves feel better and promote better behavior. One of the intriguing things about certain affirmation phrases is that they can make people feel worse. For example, "Everyday, in everyway, I am getting better" can lead to people developing unhealthy mental fixations and unrealistic pictures of success. The end result is they become more depressed and less likely to fulfill their own goals.
Watch your resolutions!
The steps to eliminate this problem are simple though:
1.) Set realistic, obtainable goals.
2.) Have a guide that is backward planned. Where do you want to be in one year? Tomorrow?
3.) Don't focus on the negatives. Many people who plan this focus on things they don't like about themselves. Focus on improving.
4.) Don't beat yourself up. Set aside specific times to do things to make them become routine. Set aside a certain time to work out, to learn an instrument, etc. to improve, but focus on the improvements, not the failures.
5.) Keep a journal. Start off with where you are at now and then look at where you are at in two months by lookinga the journal. If you're working out, for example, take off your shirt, weigh yourself, and record your lifts and aerobic times. You might be impressed at how far you can go in just three months.
Watch your resolutions!
The steps to eliminate this problem are simple though:
1.) Set realistic, obtainable goals.
2.) Have a guide that is backward planned. Where do you want to be in one year? Tomorrow?
3.) Don't focus on the negatives. Many people who plan this focus on things they don't like about themselves. Focus on improving.
4.) Don't beat yourself up. Set aside specific times to do things to make them become routine. Set aside a certain time to work out, to learn an instrument, etc. to improve, but focus on the improvements, not the failures.
5.) Keep a journal. Start off with where you are at now and then look at where you are at in two months by lookinga the journal. If you're working out, for example, take off your shirt, weigh yourself, and record your lifts and aerobic times. You might be impressed at how far you can go in just three months.
Intrigue based game from a mystery writer
Gayle Trent has a quick article on how to improve the quality of your characters in novel writing. Of course, this applies to pick-up as well. To quote the infamous Ross Jeffries, the problem with the average guy is he "spurts from the heart and shoots from the c***." Meaning that most guys, when they meet a girl they like, start immediately telling the girl everything about themselves. She doesn't have to work for it, so there's absolutely no intrigue created by this.
Revealing small tidbits about your characters as you go along helps engage your readers. We know how important that is in dropping clues and red herrings, but it's also an excellent way to have your readers identify with your characters -- even the villains. This is especially important in a mystery because it isn't until the end of the story (hopefully) that the reader figures out who is truly the villain.The ability to insinuate personal qualities that are attractive about yourself is the entire art of DHV'ing. If you give it away too soon without the audience working for it, then the show is over. Much like using magic as a personal attractor, your ability to convey personality by giving a piece at a time while the audience works for it is what seperates the people who use intrigue game effectively versus those fail.
Using magick for pick-up
There's a company that actually dedicates the magic craft to pick-up. There's an introduction that is up here:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/4559351/Puma-Skills-Manual
A few of their PUA videos can be found here:
The first thing that I like is these guys use very practical magic tricks. If you have ever screened through books on magic tricks, you might find one or two tricks that can work in a bar setting. This cuts down on all that searching and shows you how to have really simple, easy magic tricks that can help convey personality.
The reading is important because they talk about some major problems you should avoid with the pick-up:
1.) Do not open with the magic trick. Doing tricks for girls to impress them is a major DLV. You also don't want to get a reputation as "that guy".
2.) Like anything else in pick-up whether it's humor (evil clown vs. dancing monkey), intelligence (sophisticated man vs. boring bookworm), or magic (intriguing man vs. bar magician), you should calibrate magic tricks to the level of effort your audience is putting in. If they work hard, a good magic trick is certainly useful, particularly if you are in a group setting and want to control the crowd.
3.) Running routines is a good complement to what we call "intrigue-based" game. Here's the link:
http://www.pumaskills.com/
http://www.scribd.com/doc/4559351/Puma-Skills-Manual
A few of their PUA videos can be found here:
The first thing that I like is these guys use very practical magic tricks. If you have ever screened through books on magic tricks, you might find one or two tricks that can work in a bar setting. This cuts down on all that searching and shows you how to have really simple, easy magic tricks that can help convey personality.
The reading is important because they talk about some major problems you should avoid with the pick-up:
1.) Do not open with the magic trick. Doing tricks for girls to impress them is a major DLV. You also don't want to get a reputation as "that guy".
2.) Like anything else in pick-up whether it's humor (evil clown vs. dancing monkey), intelligence (sophisticated man vs. boring bookworm), or magic (intriguing man vs. bar magician), you should calibrate magic tricks to the level of effort your audience is putting in. If they work hard, a good magic trick is certainly useful, particularly if you are in a group setting and want to control the crowd.
3.) Running routines is a good complement to what we call "intrigue-based" game. Here's the link:
http://www.pumaskills.com/
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